I just don’t know what to do.  My sleeping patterns are so messed up –  I need help and advice!

 I’ve talked already about my early morning schedule.  Since October, I have had a 5-5:30am start time at work.  Since I’m commuting from Lynnwood to SoDo area, that means wake-up time is approximately 4:10am.  After experimenting with various alarm clocks, I think I have the waking-up part down.  But I just can’t figure out my sleep schedule!  I just can’t!

The challenge is actually getting at least 7 hours of sleep.  What I’ve been doing lately is taking a major nap…and by major I mean deeeeeep sleep complete with dreams and REM cycles, and then at night I sleep from approximately 10:30pm-4am.   But I never see the sun this way.

I’ve also tried staying awake throughout the day and trying to sleep as early as 8:30pm, but if I’m not tired I just end up losing out.

I don’t know if anyone who reads this blog is or has been an early riser?  I need advice!  Trust me it’s for the good of everyone…I get really weepy when I’m tired!!

I enjoy setting goals almost as much as I enjoy making lists, so here is my newest resolution:  One blog a week (possibly on Sundays?).  I am also going to try and journal more about concrete things going on in my life (instead of always attempting the exhaustingly impossible task of understanding the Purpose of Life, or the Meaning of Time, etc. etc.  These sorts of blogs might give the impression that I am the sort of person who sits moodily staring out the window and listening to Damien Rice all the time…and while I have been known to do both those things on occasion, I would not define myself by them.)  Anyway.  I have had an aversion to blogging too much about personal life, in the fear of blogging TOO much about personal life.  But that is changing now.  That said, I will now stop blogging about blogging and continue on.  Here is the latest in my world: 

My beloved Dell died.  He attempted to take all my music and pics along with him, but thanks to my dad mostly everything is recovered.  I have now switched to a MacBook, and I’m still adjusting but I like it.  I was only vaguely aware at the time that by switching over I was stepping into the midst of a major Nerd War between PC and Mac lovers…

I was offered a permanent position at work, and am officially no longer Ryan-the-Temp.  I love my job and this is a huge relief…when I found out I physically felt a burden lift off my back that I didn’t even know was there!  Job security is a good feeling.

Saw ‘27 Dresses’ this weekend.  I give it a C+, but I still liked it because I’m pretty sure that sap runs in my veins instead of blood.  Still, I compare every romantic comedy I see to While You Were Sleeping, and this one fell far short.   

So, until next week!  Happy Monday everyone

Part of me hesitated to make resolutions this new year because everyone always makes resolutions (and rarely keeps them).  But of course it doesn’t make sense not to do something just because everyone else does.  For one thing, a life lived like that would be void of Coldplay!

So, my main resolution this year is to make decisions simply and promptly, and without so much agonizing deliberation.  This pertains to everything from what to get to eat, to whether I should go somewhere, to what I should do with my future.  By forgoeing analization, I don’t mean to let go of wisdom.   But my perspective on wisdom has shifted lately.

I think about having wisdom constantly.  Especially in the little everyday things.  I do my best to make wise decisions as I work, eat, plan my day, and interact with others.  But the other day I suddenly had this feeling like something was off in my perspective about wisdom.  In trying to figure out what it was, I found my mind drifting back to dark and early mornings at the small library of the YWAM base in Montana.  In a determined search for just a couple minutes of alone time,  I used to sneak over there before breakfast and have devotions.  At the time I was reading through Proverbs.  Naturally, I found the book to be full of advice for everyday living.  But I also found a somewhat surprising concept repeated over and over: the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.  “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge…Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil…The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”

I’m coming to the realization that my previous desire for “wisdom” (as well as the way I made decisions) was self-focused.  It was ultimately driven by the fear of man, not the fear of God.  I wanted to make wise choices in order to be perfect in the eyes of others and myself.  As Keith Green said, “it’s so hard to see when my eyes are on me”!  I am only beginning to understand what it means to fear the Lord, but that is my new focus and I look forward to a purified form of wisdom, more mysterious and ancient than any I could craft myself.