To me, the passing of time is something that is both frightening and fascinating.  I believe it’s good that 99% of the time, we live life without noticing that the days themselves are slipping away.  The ticking of the clock is drowned out by the sounds of our thoughts and words, the urgency of our to-do lists, and the oblivion of fun.  But I can also remember three or four times during my childhood stopping, and realizing, “here I am, in this moment in time, 10 years old, in this room” and just pausing and letting that truth be true.

But while as mortals we are weighed down and tied up by the inflexible restraints of time, and painfully reminded of this fact daily by our alarm clocks, this bondage is not the ultimate truth.  The existence of God, and of a universe bigger and richer than the tangible earth around us, brings peace and a hope of something beyond these tents.  While all we can really do is guess at this point, I personally believe God exists outside the restraints of our time.  I also remember as a child sitting in the back of a mini-van, gazing out the window, and trying to wrap my mind around the idea of being in Heaven and living for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever, and laughing at the fact that my little mortal mind could not possibly grasp what that would be like.

I have a fear of wasting time.  Looking back on this past year, I feel satisfied with my use of that precious commodity…this last year for me consisted  of three months in Montana listening to fascinating lectures, two difficult, vivid months in Thailand, six months working at Quest and increasing the width and depth of my relationships there, and as of now two months at Starbucks headquarters, working full-time at a company rife with opportunity.

But whether or not I am personally satisfied with my own productivity, I have a feeling that God’s measurements are different.  His standards of my use of time seem to be balanced by both the urgency of “work out your salvation with fear and trembling”, and the peace of his grace and tolerance for my feeble attempts at living this life right.  I’m so glad to rest in the shadow of his mysterious wings. 

I wish I was more consistent with this blog…and I want to be!  But the last couple months, whatever that mysterious substance known as creative juice is, I haven’t had it…

I think there are three possible reasons for this.  My schedule for one; lately I’ve only had the energy to do what needs to be done.  The second reason is that demon of insecurity that grips so many areas of my life…I’ve written and discarded at least three blogs.  Third is simply that I am in a season of life where I just want to listen instead of speak.  I am soaking in the wisdom of others through blogs, c-group, church, books, etc.

So, maybe I’ll blog again tomorrow, or not for awhile?….until then, happy holidays!!!